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He told me the pictures of his three daughters were his nieces, his wife his sister.He told everyone this, even my parents and son, all my (our)friends.We played this perfect family, but I wasn’t playing, I worked and loved hard. He has to have admiration of others, and women are easy. He also has no regard for others (empathy) and no qualms at all lying and looking you straight in the eyes, daily, even with proof in your hands. He uses people for his own gratification, not one person means anything to him except for how they can make him feel. When I kept finding more and more concrete proof and he could no longer lie, he got violent because he was discovered and I required he get help, that was the only way I would consider not filing for divorce.
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I found social networks, emails, voice mails, pictures (he took them of himself too and they are so vain and sexual), and as I got better at researching I found the disgusting porn sites he paid for, the disgusting male friends he engaged in devaluing women with, the awful and false portrayal he made of me to others.
I found his secret password to open documents and read his letters to and from the other women, listing details of their activities.
They just never said anything because they had no proof, they just felt it. I was horrified, I insisted he get help, he went one time, said the therapist said he had a lot of issues, he came clean with everyone, seemed sincere, ate crow, all the things you would expect, and I thought well he’ll not lie again, he is remorseful, he was traumatized by his wife leaving, etc.
When I found out he was married that first year and confronted him, the reason he said he lied was that the woman who introduced us had gone out with him and he had never told her he was married. etc…made excuses for who I thought was a normal person who made grave mistakes. I did not know people could lie daily and pretend so well…..
He is a complete different person from what he pretended to be.
We went to church every Sunday and were very involved, his insistence. I called him a rooster, my therapist (after I found all this and everything crumbled) told me the official therapy term is a peacock.
I have posted here several times, but have never shared my story. Mine did not end with my husband caring enough to get help and change his ways. When I got the phone call he did not recognize my voice or that he had dialed me, even repeated him self when I said “what?
He skipped work a lot (he was an executive), so when I thought he was working or working late, or on a business trip, he was really out with others or at his strip clubs.
He meant to call another woman he had just met out.
”…got angry when I calmly told him it was me, who did he mean to call.
One was even his secretary letting him know another woman had called and he needed to call her back.